Baby, It’s Cold Outside

On Thursday, our high was approximately -5 (Fahrenheit). Our lows were somewhere between -22 and iceberg. According to the local news, we spent at least 86 hours below zero this week.

I don’t feel that surviving this weather makes me a hardier person than anyone else. There’s usually a week like this every winter in Minnesota, and it’s just something you get through. Luckily, I had booked a vacation on Monday, so that kept me from being too crabby, even though we’re not leaving for a month and a half. Being able to work from home for three days also helped tremendously.  

You have to wear at least two layers everywhere. I usually wear tights under my corduroys (they seem warmer than jeans to me, and I’ve learned to walk in them without appearing bow-legged yet not making that swishing sound), and a pair of wool socks in my fake-fur-lined snow boots. I wear a wool sweater with a thick long-sleeved t-shirt underneath. And if you’re wearing low-cut pants and the shirt isn’t long enough, you definitely feel a draft on your lower back when you sit down, even inside your car. When you wrap your scarf around your neck, try to cover the gap between your coat and your shirt, and try to cover your face. Wear a hat and a coat with a hood if you can– otherwise, you’ll feel the wind in your ears. 

I made the mistake of leaving my face uncovered while walking from the parking lot to work, and rather than stopping and adjusting, I just ran for the building. It took 15 minutes for the feeling to return to my nose and cheeks. The upside was that I didn’t have to wear blush– everyone has that rosy look on their faces. 

I wanted to try to spit to see if it froze before hitting the ground, but my teeth were too busy chattering. 

When you inhale, it hurts to breathe. The cold air hits your lungs before it has time to warm up inside your body, and it’s a shock.

Houses and cars make strange noises. There are all sorts of cracking and popping sounds everywhere, and you just hope it’s something that didn’t allow more cold air in, and you pray your vehicle will continue to start. When I worked from home, the only time I left the house was to start the car every few hours. Even though it was in the garage, there was no insulation (just protection from the wind, so even though it was about 10 degrees colder outside, it was still below 0 inside). Obviously, I moved the car out of the garage while I let it idle. 

The cold seeps in everywhere. Even if you’re standing in your house, you can feel it. Some of our doors and windows are newer than others, so some do a better job of keeping the drafts out, but you can still feel little air pockets here and there. If you store your clothes or dishes in closets or cabinets that are on an exterior wall, everything is cold to the touch. 

The roads and sidewalks look like they’re covered with chalk. You know it’s really cold when all the roads turn white. They spray chemicals on them, but it has to be a certain temperature for them to work, so there were lots of accidents this week. 

A couple people died from exposure. It’s scary to think that this weather can kill you if you’re outside for too long. 

On a lighter note, if you’re outside for more than a minute, you develop snotsicles in your nose. All the mucus freezes. I’m not kidding. 

Someone on the news was cracking eggs on the sidewalk, and the eggs froze through within 15 minutes. 

You know how your breath forms vapor when you breathe out? I’ve never seen anyone’s farts when it’s this cold outside. I was relieved to see that other people wondered about this, too.

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2 Responses to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

  1. joe sedita Says:

    it’s nice and 60ish in Texas-funny article. By the way Encore rules !

  2. joe sedita Says:

    it’s nice and 60ish in Texas-funny article. By the way Encore rules !

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